Smudge Cow dreams of mastering her golf game. The outfit is immaculate, the stance deliberate, the quiet murmur of “focus” before every swing almost professional. The follow-through, however, tends to involve a gentle lean against the golf cart and a contemplative stare into the distance.

Her approach could best be described as “unhurried” – a few swings, a few snacks, and a scenic tour of the fairway without ever quite finishing a round. Balls do occasionally disappear into ponds, but she maintains it’s all part of the strategy.